As a creative person, I know that self-expression is a courageous act – a vulnerable…
This blog article: Living your true story is the third article in the Emotional Maturity series, following What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You and Personal Empowerment, What It Is and How to Attain It.
In my last two blog articles, I looked at emotional maturity from the perspective of the language of our emotions and personal empowerment. Now I am curious about how emotional intelligence is connected to our true story, not the narrative that we tell ourselves about who we think we are or what we want, but more the story of our passion and desires, and real purpose.
Living our true story has to do with being an advocate for self-value and what we need to sustain our commitments in life.
So many of us try to operate on an empty tank; we get so fixated on performance and achievements that we neglect to nurture our fundamental needs. Being aware of what we need to sustain our commitments is necessary to maintain the optimal energy required to fulfill those commitments. Otherwise, we function on energy deficits, which show up as physical, mental, and emotional pain, disconnection, and financial unease.
Jason Gaddis, the founder of the Relationship School in Colorado, says that we all have four fundamental needs. 1) The need to be safe emotionally and physically. 2) The need to be seen, heard, and understood. 3) The need to be soothed, comforted, and acknowledged and, 4) The need to be supported and challenged in life-affirming ways.
When these fundamental needs are met, we are entirely alive; we thrive and are in harmony.
Jason believes that we instinctively seek to fulfill these needs in relationships. While I see the logic in this, I also understand how important it is to meet these needs within ourselves.
I believe the need to be safe, seen, soothed, and supported must be realized within our own connection with our mind, emotions, body, and spirit.
If we cannot trust our own feelings, physical sensations, thoughts, and our spiritual essence, how can we be vulnerable enough with another person to let him/her see, comfort and support us?
Self-care, self-awareness, self-soothing, and supporting ourselves is essential for replenishing our emotional well.
It is absolutely impossible to find balance, restoration, and feel secure in life if you neglect your fundamental needs.
Living your true story means starting with yourself, filling your inner well to overflowing because then you have lots of energy to give to others.
When the one person who is the most constant in your life, YOU, takes care of your needs, something magical happens – you rely on your ability to trust other people and surrender to life’s joys. You entrust your faith to life when you are present to your thoughts, emotions, reactions, and you welcome the longing that exists at the heart of it all.
If you don’t develop an intimate relationship with your longing, how can anyone else join you and fulfill your desire?
“When you connect with your longing, you dissolve all the limiting beliefs that prevent you from enjoying and celebrating life.”– Masiandia
How safe, conscious, soothing, and supportive, are you?
It’s natural to focus on how safe, seen, soothed, and supported we feel with others. The question is, how safe are we with ourselves and others? Are we a safe person to be vulnerable with? Do we see, hear, and bring understanding to both our needs and the needs of others. Are we soothing and supportive, or do we evaluate, discriminate, and safeguard ourselves from the judgments of others, especially our own.
Admittedly, my first default is self-preservation. If someone is judgemental towards me or is inconsiderate of my feelings and needs, I don’t instinctively feel understanding towards them. I immediately want to defend, explain, and justify myself. But as I mentioned in my last article: Personal Empowerment – defense, explaining, and justifications don’t work. They are survival mechanisms that keep us separate and unfulfilled.
Reacting, pulling away, or becoming aggressive pulls us apart from our centre and thus into the other person’s story. When we are not living our own story, we disown our self-value and project self-abandonment onto others. We perpetuate conflict.
Please take a moment to ask yourself the following question to realize for yourself how safe, seen, soothing, and supportive you feel, and how present you are to others? (This list of questions was inspired by Jason Gaddis’s online 5-day challenge.)
In relationship with your own self, from a scale of 1-10
- How safe do you feel?
- How seen, heard, and understood do you feel by you?
- How soothed and comforted are you by your own self-nurturing?
- How supported do you feel?
In relationship with your (partner, friend, child, parent, sibling, co-worker,
from a scale of 1-10
- How safe does he/she feel with you?
- How seen does he/she feel by you?
- How soothed does he/she feel by you?
- How supported does he/she feel by you?
Ultimately, emotional maturity is self-awareness, honesty, being accountable, and living your own story.
The key to living your own story is not to pre-script every facet of your life or project your expectations and discomfort onto others.
There needs to be room for the unknown to join you in support. If you tell the universe how to satisfy your needs, you’re living the story of the universe, not your own.
The same is true for telling others how they should behave. If you have external expectations that have little to do with your own energy, you’re not living your story; you’re in the other person’s business.
“Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our own business. When I think, ‘You need to get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take better care of yourself,’ I am in your business. When I’m worried about earthquakes, floods, war, or when I will die, I am in God’s business. If I am mentally in your business or in God’s business, the effect is separation.” …“If you are living your life and I am mentally living your life, who is here living mine? We’re both over there. Being mentally in your business keeps me from being present in my own.” – Byron Katie
Living your own story necessitates the willingness to become your best friend, be aware of your thinking mind, honour your emotions, feel your body, and open to spirit.
By welcoming all facets of your being – your physical body, thoughts, emotions, and spirit, you allow your body to be the conduit in which your spirituality, emotions and creativity flow through you freely.
The more we are in touch with our body, thoughts, emotions, and essence, the more we allow our physical experience to inform us about the mercurial nature of our minds, the fluidity of our feelings, and the embodiment of our spirit.
To learn more about soul-purpose and how to live from the heart of spiritual integrity, check out my book: Mystical Intimacy.
As an integrative counsellor and channeler, my story is one of
intuition, healing, and living my passion.
I love what I do and I love opening the door for people’s transformations.
To discover what is possible, read more…