Despite a lot of spiritual views, insecurity, mistakes, frustration, shame, and guilt are not bad.
In my healing practice, I often hear my clients make remarks about themselves that are self-deprecating and unkind. I, too, can be very hard on myself, and I know firsthand how debilitating self-judgment is, and how it can add to the pressure to measure up to an idealist personification of who we think we’re supposed to be.
We seek perfection and aspire for greatness to avoid feeling failure, lonesomeness, and separateness.
Ultimately, we want to be secure and safe from the past and family and social conditioning. Yet, the more we aspire to rid ourselves of our unwanted traits, the traits persist. Insecurities, self-sabotage, frustration, shame and guilt persist because they are aspects of our psyche that need acceptance, forgiveness and love.
Yet we resist loving all of who we are – the light and the dark, the wanted and unwanted aspects of ourselves. In our desire for well-being, health, abundance, and freedom, we believe we must be devoid of flaws. The belief is, if I’m perfect enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, quiet, subdued, not demanding, hard-working; if I have a master’s degree, if I don’t make ripples or, conversely, if I’m bold, then I’ll be loved, safe, secure.
The truth is, we are whole and imperfectly perfect.
I can’t help but see that my clients are essentially whole and resourceful. Yet, they will try to convince me otherwise. Some say to me, “Yes, but you don’t see how I react; I can be so harsh and unkind.”… “Yes, but the past has such a grip on me, I can’t recognize any good in me or any benefit to my situation. I’m stuck.”
That isn’t true; you’re not stuck. You feel stuck, and you’ve identified with your limitations. But you’re not limited, you’re more extensive than the perceived limitation; you’re creative and resourceful, and by connecting with your larger self, your Spirit, you can access your inner knowing and open yourself to receiving what you truly need and want.
It’s important to welcome your emotions. What’s wrong with frustration, shame, fear?
Interestingly, when I welcome my clients’ full range of emotions and see them as a whole, they often rationalize their feelings as not being spiritual or advanced. They’ve ascribed to the path of evolution and believe that they have to be beyond human to be spiritual. They perceive their humanity as being a bad thing.
“But what if you could welcome your feelings with compassion?” I ask them. Additionally, “What if the person you’re angry with would take the time to listen and hold space for your distress?”
Imagine what it would feel like if the person you express your anger to would take the time to reflect your upset with acceptance and curiosity. What would happen to the fear, insecurity, shame or irritation if it were welcomed?
The answer I receive when I asked this question is that the anger would subside. So imagine being the person who embraces your humanity, your fears, concerns, frustrations, guilt, shame, pain with opens arms and faith in who you are – all of you.
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” – Marilyn Monroe
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