Have you been told that you’re too sensitive or too emotional, or too intense?
One of my clients recently told me that she is too intense and too direct. “That’s what people say about me,” she added.
“You’re too intense?” I repeated with a question mark. She replied, “I’m too big! I’m just too much for people!” I smiled on the inside because I had the thought, “me too.” Then I said to her, “but I love that about you!”
I love bigness and boldness, and authentic expression, which brings me to a Singer-Songwriter I discovered on YouTube. Her name is LP, and the song that drew me to her music is Lost On You. LP is uniquely her own person and her voice is strong and exquisite, yet she experienced setbacks along the way. Three major labels signed her over the years, and each let her go. It was the fourth label that finally supported her and became the creative team she needed to thrive as a performer. LP didn’t let anyone dissuade her or mold her into a shape that didn’t support her true vision. That’s what I appreciate so much about her.
I’m an advocate for authentic expression and have been for years. In my early twenties, I designed a whole series of masks, signifying the extent to which we hide ourselves to fit in, and how important it is to shed these skins so that we can connect with our soul-essence.
How can we be whole when we’re trying to fit in and live up to the expectations of others, or worst when we try to avoid their judgments? It’s impossible, because we’re held up by coping mechanisms that have little to do with what actually supports us. Wholeness only comes with authenticity.
But what happens when your genuineness meets obstacles? What happens when you don’t fit into the box?
As I explore the subject of being uniquely authentic, I’m acutely aware of how difficult it can be to find a counsellor, coach, therapist, healer who is a good match for the support that one truly needs and wants.
There is a growing trend to create programs that fit a specific niche, but what happens to those who don’t fit into a niche?
For me personally, I can’t tell you how much I struggled to find the right business coach.
I remember receiving a consultation with a coach who was very excited to offer me a program intensive. She told me that her mastery program was the perfect fit for me. It was a well laid out 6-month, self-paced, on-line course. What the coach didn’t know is that I can’t stand self-paced programs; I wanted to work with someone that was on my team, had my back, and was in my corner. I wanted to feel personally supported.
This same situation arose with a relationship coach. After the initial consultation, she told my partner and I that she was in the process of launching a new program designed for couples who have good communication skills but who want to go deeper. Yet, she was unable to meet the flexibility that we were looking for. My partner and I didn’t want to commit to the length of time she envisioned for us, and every other program she offered seemed restrictive. As well, we didn’t get a clear sense of what going deeper with her actually entailed.
I did finally find the right business coach, by the way. Someone who is really out there, weird, intense and passionate, and who is also a healer. She’s my kind of person. She reminds me of who I really am, not a box I should fit into.
How do you choose the right person for you?
I’ve grown cautious when it comes to a lot of the services that are out there, and you might be too. You might not fit into a lot of the programs that are being offered. You might be someone who needs personalized care to support your unique and beautiful needs and your dreams.
A lot of programs are designed with niching in mind, a distinct segment of a market that is well researched and trending. One person I know of, a healer, sells her services by telling you not to waste money on counselling. She says she can get you there faster with her enlightenment approach. Her niche is focused on people seeking the fast track to enlightenment, which are many. What she doesn’t tell you in her marketing is that awakening is not a hurried journey. You discover this in her workshops.
So, when I met with a marketing agent last year to promote my new book, I should not have been surprised by her feedback, especially when she insisted that I not market my book. She said, “Your book is not what you’re selling; that’s just there as a credential. She also added that she couldn’t design a marketing plan for me because healing and spirituality don’t sell. Further, she insisted that I needed a niche, and suggested that because I offer BodySOUL Mentoring, my niche could center on teaching channeling. And also, because I work with couples, I could specialize in helping women find true love.
Truth is, I can teach people how to channel. In fact, I’ve done so. There are some people who have a natural propensity towards intuitive work whom I have helped open their channel. There are some cerebral folks whom I have supported in developing their sensitivity. Also, I can assist beginner channellers to better understand their own channeled guidance. I’ve been working with Spirit for 20 years, and have learned to be very clear and accurate. But is that the sole premise of my work? No! I’m more interested in how people can live spirituality and be whole human beings.
The only thing that you can depend on is what resonates.
After the meeting with the marketer, I asked myself, “What resonates for me?” The answer rose from inside. I came to appreciate that I didn’t choose healing, channeling, or counselling as a career move. It was my calling.
I recall that a month into my counselling course in 1998, I said out loud. “I’m in my element!” A year later, discovering the gift of channeling deepened this unexplainable feeling even more.
When I first started seeing clients twenty years ago, I had fallen in love with the foundations of counselling: Reflective listening, Gestalt work, Body-centered therapy and Focusing, but still it seemed to me that something was missing. It was spirit!
Yet interestingly, as I opened myself to channeling it never occurred to me to offer readings. I was and still am fascinated by counselling, and especially the healing and transformational effect of Somatic therapy.
That is my work because it is my ground – it is in essence who I am. It is also who I work with – people who don’t fit into their lives anymore – people who beat to a different drum – who yearn to belong.
So how do you know who’s right for you?
Whoever you choose to work with, pick someone who you feel a sense of resonance with, and that you can relate to and who can relate in kind.
Connection is essential, as is being heard, seen, and understood. Not only should your patterns and conditioned behavior be addressed, but also your strengths. We all need to be acknowledged, so working with someone that is generous with his/her validation is important. The more your attributes are recognized, the more you can become comfortable with who you are and blossom in the world.
So, when you’re considering working with someone, take the time to consult with him/her. There are some questions you can ask. You can inquire about their values. Why do they do what they do? What drew them to this work? How do they think they can help you?
Find out how long they’ve been in practice. It’s fine if they’re just starting out, but are they charging accordingly? For instance, there are a lot of people that come out of a short coaching program that are charging full rates. So, determine if a practitioner’s fees are in alignment with his/her level of experience and skill.
Next, in the consultation, notice the questions that are being asked of you. Do you get the sense that the person you are consulting with is interested in you? Is he/she curious about who you are?
Notice if you feel understood and cared for. Have your concerns and aspirations been noted?
By the end of the consultation, you should feel excited and inspired. If not, your intuition is kicking in and informing you that some of your questions or concerns have not been heard, or that you just don’t feel a sense of resonance with the person.
Get a Free Consultation
Connect with me for a free 20-minute consultation,
ask me these questions and let me get to know you.
If you choose to work with me, the channeled guidance will support your inner
journey and help you remember who you are.
Of course, that would need to be important to you. You might want to ask yourself,
“Is going within essential, and do I yearn to return to my whole sense of self?”
Feature Image by Artist Jonny Lindner
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